Tag Archives: fear

The Rochester riots, the Alphabet Killer, and me

Sometimes I lie awake a night, thinking about things that surface from my subconsious totally unbidden. Last night, it was about fear.

Those of you who know me well know that I’ve suffered from anxiety issues my whole life. Those of you who don’t know me won’t be surprised to hear that earth shattering news, I’m sure. At one point, I had anxiety attacks that were so bad I couldn’t leave the house. Fortunately, that was only for a short while, but make no mistake. I’m much more comfortable in my house, in my pajamas, with the dogs.

Talking to a psychiatrist once, he asked me about my childhood, searching for a trigger for my anxiety attacks. Without going into detail about our conversation, he thought I feared “having the rug pulled out from under me”. In other words, I have control issues. Being unable to control my circumstances leads to fear and anxiety.

So anyway, I was lying in bed last night, my little brain in overdrive. I was thinking about the riots in Rochester in 1964, because Bob Lonsberry was talking about it this week on the radio.

I was thinking about the infamous “Alphabet Killer” who allegedly murdered three young girls in the early ’70s, because I’m reading a book about it. And when I bought the book, I had been talking to Shelley, a fellow writer who works at the bookstore. She and I are about the same age, and she said that she remembers the “double initial” murders and is affected by them to this day. I agreed.

And last night, while all of this was stewing around in my brain, that’s when I realized something: I was born into anxiety. Continue reading

Desiring to complete … what?

William Faulkner's Underwood Universal Portabl...

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 In my daily Bible reading this week, a passage kind of stuck with me. It’s 2 Corinthians 8:10,11:

10 And in this I give advice: It is to your advantage not only to be doing what you began and were desiring to do a year ago; 11 but now you also must complete the doing of it; that as there was a readiness to desire it, so there also may be a completion out of what you have.

Call me crazy, but I believe that God talks to us through His word and through circumstance, so when I’m reading the Bible and something really jumps out at me, or sticks in my mind, or gets under my skin, I take it seriously.

And God knows completing things is not my strong suit. I can use all of the reminders I can get.

The big question is … what was I desiring to complete a year ago?  Continue reading

And the adventure list begins!

2006 Ojiya Balloon Festival (2006年おぢや風船一揆)

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So far my friend Meg is the only one who has suggested some really out-of-my-comfort-zone adventures for the 12 Adventures project. She suggested whitewater rafting through Letchworth State Park and a hot air balloon ride, which play on my fear of water and heights. And death.

Then my mother-in-law also suggested giving blood, which I hope to do anyway.

Interestingly enough, both said they’d go with me on these adventures.

So there you go! Once the adventure list is set, I’ll let you know and you can join me. Calamity is always more fun with friends.

Keep those ideas coming!

The 12 Project – 12 adventures in 12 months (with potentially 12 trips to the ER)

I'm preparing for 12 adventures in 12 months, with potentially 12 trips to the emergency room. And you get to help!

As I write this post, it’s 1:00 PM on a Monday afternoon, and I’m lying on the couch watching season 4 of “Psych” on DVD while enjoying a coffee ice cream cone. For me, that’s living on the edge.

Or at least it has been for a while. But, believe it or not, I’m ready for a little adventure. In fact, I’m ready to declare the a whole year of adventure!

I know, I know. I declared 2009 the year of adventure, and then did it again in 2010. And so far this year isn’t looking too adventurous.

But I have a plan, my friends.

Continue reading

On fear and dreams

“People are never more insecure than when they become obsessed with their fears at the expense of their dreams.”

Norman Cousins, American essayist and editor

Ain’t that the truth?