Balancing my chakra (or maybe I just need more Oreos)

Twenty years ago today. I can't tell from this picture which chakra was out of balance. Maybe those poofy sleeves were holding me up.

Today is my 20th wedding anniversary. Twenty years ago today, it was raining and I got my hair done, both things that happened today. Had we set up a dance floor in a field and partied under the stars with our family and friends it would have been a complete deja vu.

But I digress.

This has been a very stressful few weeks for me, so when I sat down in the salon chair today and Scott introduced me to his personal assistant, and told her about how I’d been a customer for years, and did I remember that commercial I did for them, and on and on, it kind of pushed me over the edge. I think my emotional stress level was already at code red, and talking about a commercial I did for him about 10 years ago – when I was younger, thinner and way less gray – tipped the scale.

So I started crying.

Of course I freaked everyone out. Scott said we needed to stop and rebalance, so he sent his assistant Sara to get the chakra chart. He told me to, without thinking, point to two colors that I liked. I picked purple and orange. Then he had Sara gets some spray bottles. he sprayed a little of each near me and told me to pick the scent that I liked best. One was disgusting; but the other was actually really nice.

(Before he sprayed, I reminded him that I’m super smell sensitive, and that if this gave me a migraine I was going to be really pissed off. I don’t know if there’s a scent to rebalance the bitch chakra.)

Anyway, he said that I picked the color that corresponds to my “chakra 2” or the pleasure/lumbar center.

Er … okey dokey.

I don’t normally buy into mystical stuff like this, but as I grow older I’ve begun to realize that God made our bodies in perfect balance, and that it would make sense if there were energy channels or seats of emotions. Besides, sometimes this stuff is right.

Scott said that we pick the color usually because we’re feeling imbalanced there at the moment. Here’s orange, or the second chakra:

It’s weird how right that was – I do feel like I’m holding back, and as for addictions? Did I mention the Oreos? Of course my physical problems are common knowledge: hip and lower back problems, mood swings, exhaustion. Ding ding.

To put me more in balance, he told me to close my eyes. Then he sprayed the scent I picked all around me and gave me a head and neck massage.

I felt better. Of course, he could have sprayed me with Lysol and rubbed my neck and I would have felt  better.

The other color I picked was purple:

Out of balance in this area leads to spiritual abandonment, disconnectedness from the universe and loss of self. This is probably the chakra that’s truly way (way) more imbalanced but it’s linked to such a disgusting scent that I’ll have to live with being off kilter in my bliss center.

This all might be a bunch of hogwash. But I got a really nice neck rub out of the deal.


2 responses to “Balancing my chakra (or maybe I just need more Oreos)

  1. I believe there are neck rubs in heaven.

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