The cat’s evil plot

(Caption: Murphy asleep in his bed. How can a cat this cute cause so much trouble?)

I think the cat is systematically trying to drive me insane, primarily using sleep deprevation.

For the past two weeks, Murphy has been waking up every morning between 3 a.m. and 4 a.m. He chirps in my ear, licks his sandpaper tongue across my lips, and digs his claws into my forehead. Once I have my eyes open, he pounces on the sleeping dog, and then jumps off the bed to begin clawing the bedposts.

I think he wants to get my attention, but at that hour the only thing I can do is grab him and lock him in the kitchen, because once the dog is up the two of them begin an hours long wrestling match and I am not ready to be up for the day at 3 a.m.

In the kitchen, Murphy does his circus cat act by balancing on top of the cat food tin, but I ignore him and close the door behind me. The last thing I need to do is reinforce a 3 a.m. feeding.

I can hear him chirping and mewing through the heating ducts, and then he goes to my office to shred paper and empty my pencil holder.

It would be easy to feed him; we’ve already dealt with his incessent mewing whenever we went into the kitchen by giving him a few food pellets and then quickly realizing that we were only reinforcing the noise. I’ve had to be tough on that one, but I’ve broke him of the habit of expecting food any time someone goes near the stove or sink.

But I have no idea what’s waking him up every morning. I’ve wondered if it’s some strange kitten disease (I blogged about it on the Christian Humor site) or if I’ve done something one time at 3 a.m. that gave him reason to believe I liked being up at that hour.

This morning, I finally called the vet. I need help. If it’s behavioral, I need to know how to break it. If it’s physical – are the worms back? – then let’s take care of it.

For now, I’m going to take a nap. Although when I tried that yesterday, Murphy burrowed under the blanket and chewed on my toes until I got up. I’m one step closer to crazy.

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